CONFLICT VS. TEASING VS. BULLYING VS. NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR
Today we defined these terms and looked at the difference between them. A lot of times kids and adults use the word bullying when the situation is actually conflict between two people or one person is displaying negative behavior by being rude or hurtful to another. Not every situation in which someone is rude or hurtful is bullying; it must fit the whole definition. Students were surprised that some of the examples I gave were NOT bullying.
Conflict is normal and can be handled ourselves. It can range from a simple disagreement to an intense problem between two people, but it isn't always a bad or negative thing. It should be expected in any relationship and can be resolved quickly when both people are ready to commit to taking steps to fix the relationship.
Teasing is when someone:
*Laughs at and criticizes
in a way that is either
*Playful and friendly or
*Cruel and unkind
...but either way it may bother or annoy the person being teased.
When someone is teasing us:
It is our job to tell them to “stop!" if we do not like it.
It is their job to stop immediately.
During Life Skills lessons, there are many stories of friends who like to tease each other. Through their words and body language, it is clear that this is a mutual and fun way of relating to a good friend. However, Mrs. Wilson shared an example of a friend who was teased and only acted as if it were funny to her. Inside she was very hurt. If we care about the person and are unsure if our teasing is fun or funny to them, we should always ask them if they are okay with what we are saying. Offer to stop if it bothers them!
Negative teasing does not start as bullying but can turn into bullying if it fits the entire definition of bullying below and it doesn't stop once the target identifies that they are uncomfortable with the teasing and has asked for the person to stop.
Bullying is when someone
*REPEATEDLY uses their
*POWER to
*HURT someone's body or feelings.
Bullying is never okay and typically needs adult intervention.
During our second lesson we watched a clip of a bully from the movie Like Mike (2002) and reviewed the definition of bullying and the different types of bullying. We also read the book Bully Beans to learn about some of the things we can do to appropriately respond to a bully.
Negative Behavior is often not the same thing as conflict, teasing, or bullying. Nearly everyone knows someone who just seems terribly unhappy, rude, and short with others. They are unpleasant to be around and their behavior may make others feel uncomfortable, offended, or upset. However, this behavior is often not targeted or purposeful and may include things like bragging, lying, blaming, sarcasm, a sharp tone of voice, or socially awkward topics of conversation. The person may not even realize their effect on others. While this does not excuse this behavior, learning how to deal with people like this is a vital skill for everyone. These types of people do not go away when we leave school and we often have to deal with them at our jobs and social events as adults. Mrs. Wilson believes that for this behavior we have to look at what we can control (ourselves) and practice strategies to minimize, avoid, or improve our interactions with these people. The biggest thing we have to remember is that we should not take it personally!!
Conflict is normal and can be handled ourselves. It can range from a simple disagreement to an intense problem between two people, but it isn't always a bad or negative thing. It should be expected in any relationship and can be resolved quickly when both people are ready to commit to taking steps to fix the relationship.
Teasing is when someone:
*Laughs at and criticizes
in a way that is either
*Playful and friendly or
*Cruel and unkind
...but either way it may bother or annoy the person being teased.
When someone is teasing us:
It is our job to tell them to “stop!" if we do not like it.
It is their job to stop immediately.
During Life Skills lessons, there are many stories of friends who like to tease each other. Through their words and body language, it is clear that this is a mutual and fun way of relating to a good friend. However, Mrs. Wilson shared an example of a friend who was teased and only acted as if it were funny to her. Inside she was very hurt. If we care about the person and are unsure if our teasing is fun or funny to them, we should always ask them if they are okay with what we are saying. Offer to stop if it bothers them!
Negative teasing does not start as bullying but can turn into bullying if it fits the entire definition of bullying below and it doesn't stop once the target identifies that they are uncomfortable with the teasing and has asked for the person to stop.
Bullying is when someone
*REPEATEDLY uses their
*POWER to
*HURT someone's body or feelings.
Bullying is never okay and typically needs adult intervention.
During our second lesson we watched a clip of a bully from the movie Like Mike (2002) and reviewed the definition of bullying and the different types of bullying. We also read the book Bully Beans to learn about some of the things we can do to appropriately respond to a bully.
Negative Behavior is often not the same thing as conflict, teasing, or bullying. Nearly everyone knows someone who just seems terribly unhappy, rude, and short with others. They are unpleasant to be around and their behavior may make others feel uncomfortable, offended, or upset. However, this behavior is often not targeted or purposeful and may include things like bragging, lying, blaming, sarcasm, a sharp tone of voice, or socially awkward topics of conversation. The person may not even realize their effect on others. While this does not excuse this behavior, learning how to deal with people like this is a vital skill for everyone. These types of people do not go away when we leave school and we often have to deal with them at our jobs and social events as adults. Mrs. Wilson believes that for this behavior we have to look at what we can control (ourselves) and practice strategies to minimize, avoid, or improve our interactions with these people. The biggest thing we have to remember is that we should not take it personally!!
Bullying or not?
Check out the handout below to further differentiate between these behaviors and see some examples and explanations that fall within each.
Handling negative or disrespectful behavior
Whether it is rude or negative behavior or any kind of teasing, we can try the following strategies. We must remember that if things become unsafe or fit the definition of bullying we should tell a safe, trusted adult (and keep telling until the situation is resolved!).
types of bullying
Bullying includes a wide range of behaviors, but still MUST
If you feel you are being bullied...
You MUST tell a safe adult. You can tell someone at home, school, or in the community. If you tell someone and the bullying does not stop, you must tell again! You can tell the same adult every time that it happens or you can tell someone else. If you stop telling, most adults think the problem has been solved. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE BULLIED AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT OR HANDLE IT YOURSELF!!! Keep telling until the behavior stops!
Some bullies say that they will make it worse if you tell. They are saying this to try to keep the power. When you tell an adult who has the power to stop the bullying, you are taking power away from the bully. Since the only way to stop a bully is to take away their power, you must tell! It is scary, but once students tell an adult who has power, the bullying almost always stops immediately!
Some bullies say that they will make it worse if you tell. They are saying this to try to keep the power. When you tell an adult who has the power to stop the bullying, you are taking power away from the bully. Since the only way to stop a bully is to take away their power, you must tell! It is scary, but once students tell an adult who has power, the bullying almost always stops immediately!
What is your role in a bullying situation??
Too often we think of bullying as being limited to a bully and a victim. However the truth is that every single person who is aware of the bullying fits somewhere on the Bully Circle. These people who are not the bullies or the victims are called bystanders. We talked about the roles that each of us might play in different situations and read a book called "Say Something" by Peggy Moss. The book made some of us kind of angry, but showed us that doing nothing and saying nothing when we become aware of bullying can really hurt people.
We watched two different video clips to highlight the different roles a bystander may take.
We watched the first 1 minute and 35 seconds of the Back to the Future clip and the entire clip of Danimal's Army. These show drastically different bystander responses to bullying.
We watched the first 1 minute and 35 seconds of the Back to the Future clip and the entire clip of Danimal's Army. These show drastically different bystander responses to bullying.
|
|
|
|
what are you willing to do?
As a bystander, what are you willing to do if you become aware of bullying?
Cyber Bullying
Stop Cyberbullying Webiste: http://stopcyberbullying.org/